when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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