ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
