It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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