he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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