woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
