I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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