somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
