Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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