Sponge bath it is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
