I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
