you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
