I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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