Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
