it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
