sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
