last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
