im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
