Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
