I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
