Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
