Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
