what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
