I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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