On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
