dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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