Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
