Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
