ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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