Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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