So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
