i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
