You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
