real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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