Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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