Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
