Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
