help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
