i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
