She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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