I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
