If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
