How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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