I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
