Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
