as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
