Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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