I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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