If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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