apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
