i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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